"I am on the edge" -A case of american bald eagle - Haliaeetus leucocephalus
"I am on the edge"
A case of american bald eagle
By tina quirk, r.n. m.s.
Case
Haliaeetus leucocephalus
Case
The patient is a 45-year old woman, divorced, caring for two school-aged children. She is slender, has a high forehead and long, black hair with a natural white streak. Soft-spoken, even-toned, she occasionally tears up, but never cries.
"This weekend I worked late, came home to a phone message from the man upstairs from my ex-husband's apartment. He heard screaming and called the police. My daughter was wrestling with her father. Then, on Sunday, my son was dropped off six hours early at my apartment. I wasn't home and my son, who is 10 years old, stayed in the park alone. I can't deal with him. It is perpetual insanity.
"My mental parts are going (tears up). I am ready to cry, it doesn't take much to make me cry; it's especially difficult at work. It is a perpetual daily clash with my son or my husband. It used to be with my daughter. They throw it into turmoil.
"I can't deal with a husband abusive to us. Frustration for so long. No patience. I'm sick of it. I can't do it anymore. I hate myself. He is crazy and I am going crazy (tears). It feels like I have no emotions. Hopelessness.
"I used to be a positive person. Sleep-all I want to do is sleep. I have dreams of sleep-it is a superior reality. A release. I keep a journal. I thought, when he goes crazy it will be a record of his insanity. (Stares off and becomes dreamy-eyed for several seconds) I wish I were dreaming right now. Just thinking about dreams feels good. I dream about being in different places-in a beautiful old home on the shore which belongs to a gay guy. Very professional, dark, with antiques. Warm, peaceful, a beach with water, still water."
Any dreams from childhood?
"Stairways, rickety old ones or up a mountainside to a plateau. Up a mountain with my mother. It is a rocky and craggy path, a pleasant road. Lightly dusty. Then the road crumbles and becomes six inches wide. I look over the edge and am astonished at how high we are and then turn back.
"I don't want to be so on edge. I'm on a plateau and don't know when I will get off. I've never been stuck in my life. "I can't focus-its like static, like static. I can't think on one thing for very long.
"I was diabolical with my pregnancies. In my daily routine, there is no happiness. I am always needed for something. I question myself. I am not sure. I've been dissected by so many professionals. Am I right, not right. I am angry, annoyed, tired, depressed.
"I have a back problem. After the divorce my right shoulder and up the neck were tense. My muscles were so tight that the discs were going the wrong way-pinched.
"I want to say 'I quit, I'm not doing it anymore.' I'm ready to hit, punch, belittle. The basic point is he is crazy, my son is going. I am the kids' only hope. I am going crazy. I want to level out, get armor and help, fortification.
"My whole family is conservative. Their feet are on even ground. They handle everyone down the road. Even, not spikey. I am destroyed, here or there. It scares me. I am out of control.
"My husband deteriorated, everything was angry. I am getting like him. Everything makes me angry."
How was your childhood?
"It was great. I lived a small town. My mom worked when I was in high school, but was home the rest of the time. It was a small community, with sidewalks. Kids and dogs. Very safe, free, easy. Horseback riding. No worries. I could achieve anything I wanted to. I went to church every Sunday, did the religious thing. In high school I was rebellious, experimented with a few drugs, nothing big bad or ugly. I went to art school. It was a new experience and opened me up-eye opening.
"I am six years younger than my brothers and sisters. There was some tension. The accountant stole all my father's money. With my husband things were flying. We detached ourselves from craziness, but it was a nice little dream. The frustration is unending.
"More and more I don't care. What's the point. It is terrible, life. Endlessly frustrating. I go to work, I can focus there, do my job well, efficiently and disappear, I don't have to think. My former self was usually happy. I am so into my own depression and guilt. I can't express it. I used to tell the kids stories. I avoid stories now, because they are all about being smashed, killed or devoured.
"I am tired of being angry. I can't be rational. I absorb anger, deal out anger. I am ugly and bad, never before. I read about meditation, but can't sit there because the trash is so heavy. I can't get rid of it to get to a clean place. I want to wash my hands and walk away. I am ready to strike, my voice gets louder. I need to smooth out the rough edges.
"I like music, classical. Rock and roll is violent and negative, deceiving and killing and sexually perverse. I can't stand TV. It is the downfall of the world. It is not intelligent. I like to read and get my own vision of the story. TV is like being hypnotized. The commercials are just pushing drugs, pain-killers and hemorrhoids."
How are you with weather?
"I love warm weather, hot is OK. I am a chilly person. I hate cold. I get chilblains-fingers and toes, they hurt when cold. I am learning to layer. I dislike gray rainy days and winter. I am looking forward to spring. I like the bay or sea water, by the water, it is peaceful. I feel penned-in in the mountains. I also like peaceful water in the woods. I hike a lot. I like the birds and the breeze in the woods. I definitely prefer the outdoors.
"I love seafood, fats, rich sauces. I used to eat sweets and caffeine-five cups a day. I drink tea, hot in winter, cold in summer. I sip it all day long, usually cold drinks. "I was slapped in the eyes as a kid. I had bronchitis a lot. I wake with mucous in my throat. I had pleurisy a few years ago.
"I have a curvature of the spine. I was in a car accident in high school. I cracked the windshield with my head. That's why my neck is a wreck. In college two years later, I had a lot of fainting, when going from squatting to standing up. I would black out or get very dizzy.
"I have low blood pressure. I have had herpes, but no flare up in three years."
Rx: Haliaeetus leucocephalus (Bald Eagle) 30C
Follow up (6 weeks later)
"I am feeling better. I haven't been drinking coffee. I am not so depressed or so easily angered. About two weeks ago I started feeling calmer and not so quick to anger. I leveled out; I am more in control of my emotions. I am not worn out so much. My crying is better. I feel hopeless only occasionally, not daily. I don't sleep so much anymore. I am not feeling on edge as I was before. My focus is somewhat better and the kids are better. I had a few bouts of insomnia for a few weeks after the remedy, but sleeping is better. I have had vertigo two or three times in the last week, a light-headedness, doesn't last long. I used to have this ages ago. My face is breaking out and my appetite is bigger. I am having headaches, which I haven't had since just after my divorce. I had spotting only during my period, never happened before."
Rx: Wait
Follow up (5 months later)
"I have been feeling well until two or three weeks ago. I had a bout of insomnia, my mind clicking constantly. I am a little depressed, not to the level of before. I am not able to relax; I need to be busy or I feel worthless. I have been feeling on edge for a while. My anxiety is resurfacing. My headaches are less frequent. I am getting more short-tempered. Tiredness is not as much an issue, but I am drinking four or five cups of tea a day. My focus is OK, not fabulous. I am not spotting at all during my period, everything is normal. My appetite is still voracious. I had a dream about my mother. I was concerned about her and coaxing her off rooftops. She was on edge, ready to go."
How would you rate your response to the first dose of remedy?
"In the beginning an 8, now I am slipping big time."
Rx: Repeat Haliaeetus leucocephalus 30C
Follow up (6 months later)
"The remedy worked really well and lasted a good long time. Now I am feeling a lethargy. I need caffeine to begin my day. I am dreaming constantly. I feel I've been on another plane all night. I had a dream about a gorgeous bird with scarlet red feathers, the size of a pony. It was in a stainless steel room, alone. There was a rectangular window. It was motionless and staring out of the window, looking out past me. I was dumbfounded by its beautiful feathers. The door on the left side opened, but "I couldn't let it out. There was such sadness in its eyes because it had to go back in. It started staring again.
"I am having low moods and inadequate feelings. Am losing my patience with my daughter too much. It is a perpetual, perpetual drain. I am having insomnia again. I need to be busy. I am not so anxious. My headaches are back again. I feel a loneliness most of the time."
Rx: Repeat Haliaeetus leucocephalus 30C
Follow up
Now, 8 months later, patient has had one more repeat of Haliaeetus leucocephalus 30C and is doing well.
Discussion
The remedy Haliaeetus leucocephalus, proved by Jeremy Sherr and the students of the Dynamis School, was prepared from the blood of an American bald eagle that was wounded in the right wing and confined to a cage. With her high forehead and a dramatic white streak emerging from her front hairline, this patient bears a remarkable resemblance to the white-headed eagle. She presents her symptoms in a calm manner, with little emotion, as if she is an observer. It is notable that the patient complains of pain and tension in her right shoulder, so strong that it pulled the spinal column out of alignment.
From the proving symptoms Jeremy teaches that the nature of Haliaeetus leucocephalus is a dichotomy of two parallel extremes, upward motion, elevation and elation and grounding, spiral depression, and despair. Between these non-convergent states lies the horror of the split-destructive relationships, evil forces, the "killing machine," perpetual insanity," "the crack in the universe." Psychotic breakdown, fear of going mad, and insanity may be the manifestation of this "horrible abyss."
This patient says she is in a "clash between two backgrounds." One background represents her childhood, a "conservative, monotone, safe, free and easy" life with family who had their "feet on even ground." But lurking within her secure and stable childhood was a hint of craziness, her father's accountant stole all their money. The other background is of her husband, "non-monotone, outspoken, bangs on the table," and "going crazy." Caught between parallel lives, the patient pictures herself "on the edge, looking over the edge...astonished at how high I am" and her life as "endlessly frustrating" and "perpetual insanity." These descriptions are the language of the Haliaeetus leucocephalus proving. The patient's edge is on the border of the split between irreconcilable realities. Provers describe this as an "inability to reconcile different points of view."
For the patient life with her husband begins in "a nice little dream," "flying" and detaching "ourselves from craziness." With the appearance of violence in the relationship, the atmosphere turns to intense anger and "diabolical" pregnancies." Feeling "ugly and bad," she is ready "to strike," "hit, punch and belittle." Anger is fierce in Haliaeetus leucocephalus with provers wanting to hurt without regret, to kill and eat rabbits and to crush smaller animals. One prover wanted to tear flesh from the bones of animals, much as an eagle devours its prey. Looking into the split, the patient observes that life is "spikey." She detests rock and roll music because it is "violent and negative" and about "deceiving, killing and sexual perversity." Since stories are "all about being smashed, killed and devoured," she can no longer read to her children.
The patient seeks sleep, "a superior reality," as a respite and dreams of warm, peaceful beaches and "still waters." One dream takes her up a mountain where she looks in astonishment over the crumbling edge. Both dreams call up an image of the eagle, perched on a high cliff looking over still lake waters. The patient feels stuck on a plateau and hopeless about her situation, much as the captive eagle who was the source of the remedy, emanated despair and helplessness. As the provers, who wanted to fly away, the patient desires freedom with the birds and the breeze in the woods.
Eye and vision symptoms are prominent in the proving of Haliaeetus leucocephalus. When she is in the crevasse this patient's life is out of focus; conversely, in her parallel life at work she is focused and efficient. This phenomenon reminds us of the short-range parallel vision of the bald eagle and the convergence that gives acuity at long distances.
Jeremy teaches that Haliaeetus leucocephalus shares some symptoms, such as vision problems and a cruel, uncaring and violent attitude, with Androctonus. He observes an association of Haliaeetus leucocephalus with Syphilinum.
Complete proving information for Haliaeetus leucocephalus may be found in Dynamic Provings, Volume 1 by Jeremy Sherr.
Tina Quirk has studied in the North American Flexible Learning Program of The School of Homoeopathy, Devon, UK. and is a mentor at The School of Homoeopathy, New York. She studies with Jeremy Sherr and is his New York City practice manager.
[T]he nature of Haliaeetus leucocephalus is a dichotomy of two parallel extremes, upward motion, elevation and elation and grounding, spiral depression, and despair. Between these non-convergent states lies the horror of the split-destructive relationships, evil forces, the "killing machine," perpetual insanity," "the crack in the universe." Psychotic breakdown, fear of going mad, and insanity may be the manifestation of this "horrible abyss."
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