Who am i ? a case of hydrogen


Who am i ? a case of hydrogen 
 By basil ziv. rshom (na) 
Case taking 
 Homeopathy is not about learning keynotes, or memorizing materia medica. It is about process. If you can understand the process, and you have learned how to apply it, then you will be well on your way to becoming a good practitioner. The most important aspect that I have learned is to listen and to hear what the patient is telling you. Without good case taking you cannot get a good result.
 I develop an energetic connection with the patient during the interview and I become very sensitive to issues in the patient's life. I look for "bumps in the road", and when I find them I look deeper into those issues which surround them. In this way I am able to perceive those factors which drive the case, and I am able to gain an understanding as to what the case is about and what is to be cured.
The need for provings
 Homeopathy is based on provings. This is how we gain an understanding of the intrinsic nature of the remedy. It's nature's way of revealing the potential for cure. There must exist an infinite array of possible remedies in the universe, however we have come to prove a relatively small number of them. Is this by chance? Perhaps, and perhaps not. The earlier remedies proved to be invaluable in assisting cure in the early days of homeopathy, and more recently we have been guided to prove new remedies, and no doubt these will prove to be invaluable in assisting cures for patients in the future together with all of the old remedies. As time goes on there will be a need for more new remedies and we will find them. Is this by design or chance? There will be much debate about this issue. I am grateful for every proving, new and old, without them we would not have homeopathy.
Case history
 Hydrogenium
 Case
 Patient: Don
 Initial Interview
 Carol, the patient's sister, called to make an appointment for me to see her brother, Don, at home because he couldn't walk. She asked me to see him in the late afternoon, as he would feel more comfortable at this time of the day and towards the evening. The house belongs to her mother. Carol lives in the house, on the main level with her husband and young son and Don lives in the basement.
 On the day of the appointment, September 4, 1997, I arrived at the house and was greeted at the door by his sister. She led me through the house and down a set of stairs into the basement. There I met Don for the first time.
 He lay on a mattress in the middle of the floor, his head propped up against a couple of pillows. He was dressed in a robe and pants with bare feet. He greeted me and I found a small folding chair to sit on.
 I looked around the room. There is a wheel chair in one corner. Natural light came into the room through some small windows adjacent to the bed. The room appeared messy and cluttered, there was obviously a lot of activity going on in that room. From the layout of the room it was obvious to me that he spent most of his time on his bed. It appeared to be the center of his universe.
 Don began to talk in a quiet but firm tone.
 "I've been told it's a fungus of some kind. I can't see it, and can't feel it, except for the symptoms. I don't know where I may have gotten it. I thought it was a strained ankle, that's how it started. I was doing some stretching exercises, like Tai Chi, and felt that because I hadn't been doing them for a while, that's why I was getting stiff joints. It got worse within a half a day. This was in December 1996.
 "I did have earlier symptoms. I had a really strong allergic reaction to some eggs a few weeks before. I broke out with large bruises, blisters, swelling about 3/4" diameter, with hard nodules under the skin. These occurred all over my body in symmetrical patterns on my arms, thighs, and knee area. These symptoms took a few weeks to go. I've had similar things before, minor allergic reactions to food and other materials such as synthetics, paints, cleaning solutions. I usually break out in a rash with pimples and blisters. My wrists and ankles are still stiff and I have sores on my arms and legs, which are not healing." He shows them to me, they look like ulcers on the surface of the skin.
 "I experienced constant coughing in childhood. It would go on for hours until I exhausted myself. The coughing started with a tickle in the pit of the throat, and I couldn't stop it. It went up from deep down in the chest. It started in second grade; I was six or seven years old. Since then, so many things happened, it was the biggest turning point in my life. That included allergies, my eyesight got bad (short sightedness), I put on weight, and I was thin before that. I was teased. I wondered why they picked on me so much.
 "At that point I was withdrawn, introspective, inward, so I took it as a valid measurement of my worth.
 "I felt that way because the core of that year was my attraction to one of my classmates. I wanted to be around her and that wasn't cool. It was an awkward time and age, boys and girls are largely separate. From that point on, psychologically I was an outsider not only in that class, but also to the whole world, family, friends, strangers, and particularly to school, authority figures. That's when all my symptoms started. The overweight, the allergy, the glasses, nervous shaking, trembling. I remember drinking soup at my grandparents and having to bend over because I was shaking so much.
 "Never did a day go by where I didn't feel oppressed. I'm waiting like a prisoner scheming to start my life. All of a sudden this second grade scenario pops up. I have my attention drawn to the other side of the classroom. She was on one side of the room and I was on the other. As I turned, the light from the window unified my view, almost blinded, one individual just stood out. I fell in love with her instantaneously. It was mesmerizing. The emotional intensity was beyond anything anyone could imagine. This was my salvation, my way out. She just stood there and stared back at me. That was a validation for me, like a timeless moment, eye to eye and dead to the world. I was 6 1/2-7 years old. 'What am I going to do with this experience'. It's the only thing I cared about, my connection to that person.
 "The next memory is the actual event of being exposed. I did something, and we were standing alone. We were highlighted, and it was obvious that there was a kind of couple connection. I was a target now, the enemy. It was generalized to a life-death situation. The kids ridiculed and mocked this show of affection of care we were giving each other. They tore me apart. Children can be very cruel. It played itself out, and I felt hate, rage, viciousness, very intense. That was the end of the relationship. The sad part was the teacher went along with this, allowed it to play out and actually participated.
 "There were some disturbing things that happened before the second grade incident, but these were never so great as to cause a change in my personality. When I was four years old, a friend whom I thought was friend, was playing with me in the water up at my parents cottage. Things got out of hand and he held me under the water, I was in a panic, and I felt that I was drowning. It made me weary of him and I questioned his frame of mind. The panic of drowning, you can't breath. There was urgency, a need for something I was lacking.
 "When I was ten or eleven in grade five, it happened again. It was further out in the lake. I was not a good swimmer. I had to swim from crest to crest. I asked for help because I couldn't make it. They thought I was joking, until they saw me flailing and going under, at that point they grabbed me and tugged me along. I associated this with death.
 "When I was sixteen, a friend and I took a scuba diving course, which required that we learn to be under water without a mask and breath through the regulator, scuba equipment. The water pressure triggered a panic in me. I have a fascination with water, submarines and boats. My love of water started as near to birth as possible."
 In kindergarten, at age 4 or 5
 "I have a memory of being in the boys' washroom, and seeing five or six boys around a circular washbasin. I thought about what they were doing. I thought it strange that they were so immersed in language-talking, and I compared that to my experience of my world without talking. That fits the pattern because I like to be around people but I felt that language was so much of a distraction. I had no fear of people, I feared language. Quote, 'Gregory Bateson-thought can structure itself to be inconsistent with itself and can result in Schizophrenia.' That follows my experience of language. My friend in the late 70's was diagnosed as Schizophrenic. Much of what he was going through I had mild versions of."
 Like what?
 "This outside image that I got stuck with in second grade. It became a matter of paranoia. I feared people, and the thought of being caught or trapped. It might be physical, like physically bound, like a straight jacket. Like someone is beating on the door and they are going to catch you.
 "My father beating on my door, in an alcoholic rage, fits with the pattern. My being dependant on my father, and not knowing what to do with his drunkenness. Also the need to protect my mother.
 "We moved to this house after first grade. I asked my dad about his drinking, more specifically his change of mood after he drank. I was concerned about his attitude towards my mother after his drinking. At the end of the talk, I asked him if I should protect mom after he was like that. He said "yes". A seven year old was supposed to protect his mother against a 200lb grown up. I never talked to him about that after.
 "When I was twelve I had to do that. He was beating up on my mom, and I separated them, and tried to talk to him, but he started to beat me. I just stood there crying, not because of the beating. I told him 'you can hit me as much as you want I'm not going to move out of the way.' It worked. I didn't move, and then he backed off. Since then there have been a number of confrontations but he has never tried to hit me since then.
 "Since this last business, what seems to be significant to me is that I am drawn to the mental. In the hospital I had everyone addressing my physical needs. So I was calling in everybody to address more than just the physical, which included the Chaplain, the psychiatrist. No one could help. I have been on disability since 1989 for depression. It started with paranoia, compulsive personality disorder, and then depression. I was also diagnosed with ADD.
 "I'm still not clear as to my vocation in life. Before I was trying to get the government to fund an alternative education program. Putting that up against the system is like David and Goliath. I felt that I was challenging this big monstrous giant. Not a friendly giant.
 "Realizing that I need language to make contact with people. I find that there's so much contradiction in language that it's almost impossible to be honest in the language we have. If my true self is non-verbal, then I'm blocking my true self. To make contact with the people I have to put my ideas into words, and paradoxically I'm looking for a way to communicate without those words. That would be part of my work if I got a funding for a school. I would create a non-verbal symbol system that would do that. The pointing to the symbols could be non-verbal.
 "In 1988 I experienced the onset of depression. At that time, I was in a psychotic state, with panic similar to the panic of drowning. I had a girlfriend for about two years. I was drawn to her artistic side. She had a strong non-verbal side to her. Then I saw something I didn't like. So many of her assumptions were hidden or protected by the non-verbal. I have never been in a satisfactory relationship with a woman. I wouldn't have a clue as to what it's like.
 "I have a sexual relationship now. It's found its place in my life. I see the sexual relationship as a form of contract. It's an unspoken contract that I can now touch you. There was a paradox between the non-verbal behavior and the language. What she was doing and what she was saying were not congruent. I didn't want to kiss her because I felt that she was not really present. We spoke about it and the relationship has been much better and I felt much more honest. I can have a nonverbal way of communicating and I don't have to go into words to do it. The sex is better now. The outer bounds of this relationship are limited and I'm satisfied with this at this present time. She's married and has a family business. They have an open marriage.
 "Part of what I have been trying to do is answer the question 'Who am I.' That has not resolved itself, and this is related to my vocation in life, and what part I would play in relation to others."
 What fears do you have?
 "Financial, being cut off of disability.
 "Until last week there was fear of dying because it got really bad.
 "Never finding anyone intimately or friends that I can relate to.
 "Lack of relationship.
 "Not finding my proper place in the world, my role.
 "Fear of heights, spiders.
 "Conventional fears, wild animals, barking dogs.
 "Drunken people. Or spaced out or drugged up people.
 "Authority figures, everyone in a uniform. Even though I may not have done any thing wrong. They will catch me for something.
 "Always feeling that someone is watching me, ready to grab me for something I didn't do.
 "Lots of department stores have cameras everywhere so you are being watched.
 "Fear of being alone or isolated.
 "Fear of losing someone I do value."
 Can you remember any dreams?
 "Dreams about falling, and I still have a fear of heights. I used to dream of a swordfish coming at me in the water and spearing me. I'd wake up with the pain. I might dream of water flowing or a water fall and I might wake up in a sweat."
 Do you have any food cravings?
 "Heavier saltier oilier foods than usual.
 "I'm vegetarian. Salt and sweets, addict. Sugar"
 What is your thirst like?
 "I'm not drinking enough. I haven't had a thirst for months now, so I have to remember to drink.
 I asked why he had his mattress down on the floor? "When I'm in a high place I feel drawn to the ground."
 "For a couple of months I had no appetite either. I lost forty pounds
 "For seven or eight years I'd have alternating constipation and diarrhea.
 "I had scabies, but it seems to be over. This was treated conventionally."
 I asked why he had his mattress down on the floor?
 "When I'm in a high place I feel drawn to the ground."
 Previous remedies
 Nat-mur 30C, Nat-mur 200C a few months later. Didn't do much in a positive way.
 Main issues, themes in the case
 What is most idiosyncratic?
 1. Being drawn downwards
 2. Theorizing-big picture, expansive, "who am I", sword fish, beginning of life, creation
 3. Time modalities: Morning agg., Evening amel.
 4. Water
 5. Awkwardness
 6. Love
 7. Separation, isolation
 8. Rejection by society, ridicule, hostility
 9. Conflict between language and behaviour
 10. Depression
 11. Insanity
 12. Financial dependency
 13. Nervous shaking and trembling
 14. Cough
 15. Sweet
 16. Vegetarian
 17. Wounds, oxygen
 Correspondence Between Themes in Case, and a Repertory Extraction of Hydrogen Cara (c)1997 Miccant Ltd
 1. Being drawn downwards 
 Living in the basement
 Mattress directly on the floor
 Lying in bed
 Dreams about falling, and I still have a fear of heights When I'm in a high place I feel drawn to the ground water, and being pulled under panic when scuba diving cough from deep down
 The picture is one of heaviness with a downward pull
 Complete-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, downward, he is pulled (1) 1 hydrog
 DOWNWARD, symptoms going (22) 2 hydrog
 BED desires to remain in (24) 1 hydrog
 Rubrics to do with inability to walk and stiffness
 Complete-Mentals
 LAMENESS Lower Limbs morning waking, on (1) 1 hydrog
 LAMENESS Joints waking, after (2) 1 hydrog
 Rubrics with the same theme
 Complete-Extremities
 LAMENESS Joints waking, after (2) 1 hydrog
 STIFFNESS General lower Limbs ascending stairs (1) 1 hydrog
 2. Theorizing-expansive aspect to remedy
 what seems to be significant to me is that I am drawn to the mental
 The big picture, expansive, "who am I"
 Complete-Mentals
 THEORIZING philosophic, mind dwells on (2) 1 hydrog
 3. Time modalities-Morning agg., Evening amel.
 The remedy has weakness in the morning, he is always worse in the mornings, cannot get out of bed, arranges the interview for the afternoon when he starts to feel better
 Complete-Mentals
 BED desires to remain in morning (3) 1 hydrog
 WEARY of life morning (5) 1 hydrog
 ABSENT-MINDEDNESS morning (5) 1 hydrog
 DEATH desires morning, on waking (3) 1 hydrog
 REPROACHES himself in the morning (1) 1 hydrog
 Energy comes in the evening:
 Complete-Mentals
 BUSY night, at (2) 1 hydrog
 ACTIVITY General evening (5) 1 hydrog
 Complete-Generals
 WEARINESS General evening amel. (1) 1 hydrog
 4. Water
 and he held me under the water they saw me flailing and going under took a scuba diving course
 Part of this course required that we learn to be under water, panicked
 I have a fascination with water
 I used to dream of a swordfish coming at me in the water and spearing me.
 I might dream of water flowing or a water fall
 Complete-Mentals
 DREAMS water (69) 1 hydrog
 DREAMS water sea, of (7) 1 hydrog
 5. Awkwardness
 It's an awkward time and age, boys and girls are largely separate
 Complete-Mentals
 AWKWARDNESS (57) 1 hydrog
 6. Love
 We caught each other's eyes and I sensed that there was an attraction between us
 Complete-Mentals
 LOVE love-sick (5) 1 hydrog
 7. Separation, isolation
 she was on the one side of the class and I was on the other outsider to the whole world, family, friends, strangers my world without talking (and your world)
 Complete-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, division between himself and others (2) 1 hydrog
 DELUSIONS, separated world, from the, that he is (9) 3 hydrog
 DELUSIONS, detached (2) 1 hydrog
 COMPANY aversion to, avoids the sight of people (17) 1 hydrog
 Dynamis-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, forsaken feeling
 DELUSIONS, forsaken, sensation of isolation
 8. Rejection by society, ridicule, hostility 
 At some point it became obvious to me that the class reacted in a hostile reaction
 The sad part was the teacher went along with this
 She supported the classes ridicule of my feelings They will catch me for something
 Always feeling that someone is watching me ready to grab me for something I didn't do
 Combined Dynamis-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, BETRAYED, THAT SHE HAS BEEN (2) 1 hydrog
 Combined Synthesis-Mentals
 ESTRANGED, FRIENDS, FROM (2) 1 hydrog
 ESTRANGED, FROM HER FAMILY (18) 1 hydrog
 Complete-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, crippled old man, that he is (1) 1 hydrog
 DELUSIONS, repudiated society, he is repudiated by (1) 1 hydrog
 DREAMS accusations (7) 1 hydrog
 DREAMS accusations crime, wrongful of (4) 1 hydrog
 9. Conflict between language and behaviour 
 I thought it strange that they were so immersed in language- talking, and I compared that to my experience of my world without talking. That fits the pattern because I like to be around people but I felt that language was so much of a distraction. I had no fear of people, I feared language.
 "Gregory Bateson-thought can structure itself to be inconsistent with itself and can result in Schizophrenia."
 If my true self is non verbal
 To make contact with the people I have to put my ideas into words, and paradoxically I'm looking for a way to communicate without those words.
 "Who am I"
 Combined Synthesis-Mentals
 TALK, indisposed to, company, in (2) 1 hydrog
 Combined Dynamis-Mentals
 CONFLICT, HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS and WORLDLY EXISTENCE (1) 1 hydrog
 Combined Synthesis-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, BODY, SEPARATED FROM SOUL, AS IF (1) 3 HYDROG
 10. Depression
 I have been on disability since 1989 for depression It started with paranoia, compulsive personality disorder, and then depression.
 ADD
 Dynamis-Mentals
 SADNESS
 SADNESS, anger after
 SADNESS, morning
 SADNESS, suicidal disposition with
 11. Insanity:
 Complete-Mentals
 FEAR insanity, of losing his reason (91) 1 hydrog
 Complete-Mentals
 DELUSIONS, insane, people think she is (3) 1 hydrog
 12. Financial dependency
 Being cut off of disability
 Dependant on father financially
 Combined Synthesis-Mentals
 FEAR, POVERTY, OF (15) 1 hydrog
 13. Nervous shaking and trembling
 Complete-Generals
 TREMBLING General anxiety from (40) 1 hydrog
 14. Cough
 I experienced constant coughing in childhood.
 Tickle went up from the throat, but the cough was from deep down in the chest.
 Started in Second Grade 2, 6-7 years old.
 Combined Synthesis-Cough
 PERSISTENT (23) 1 hydrog
 Combined Vithoulkas-Cough
 TICKLING-STERNUM, BEHIND (2) 2 hydrog
 15. Sweets
 Complete-Generals
 FOOD and drinks sweets desires (101) 1 hydrog
 16. Vegetarian
 The following rubrics explain why a patient in the hydrogen state might be a vegetarian.
 Complete-Mentals
 DREAMS animals, of eating live (1) 1 hydrog
 DREAMS animals, of suffering (1) 1 hydrog
 17. Wounds heal slowly
 Complete-Generals
 WOUNDS septic (2) 1 hydrog
 WOUNDS heal slow (63) 1 hydrog
 The original prescription was based on the following four rubrics:
 DELUSIONS, downward, he is pulled (1) 1 hydrog
 LOVE love-sick (5) 1 hydrog
 DELUSIONS, repudiated society, he is repudiated by (1) 1 hydrog
 DELUSIONS, division between himself and others (2) 1 hydrog
 CONFLICT, HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS and WORLDLY EXISTENCE (1) 1 hydrog
 Prescription 
 Hydrogen 30CH one dose
 Follow-ups 
 Seven weeks-Update by phone
 "I experienced a certain restlessness, which started after taking the Hydrogen. It transformed itself into very strong irritability, a bitter resentment, anger, almost compelling towards some physical action. There is no chance for creativity when I am in this state, its more violent in nature. There is a tendency for lashing out.
 "But it's gone today. Nothing happened to provoke it, other than taking the remedy, but now it's gone. I feel much better in general terms. Its almost like too good to be true. I'm suspicious, that it's a short-term thing that I'll slip back. My energy is better than it has been for years, and stable. My sleeping is getting better. I'm up earlier in the day. I can walk, and I walk quite a bit. Psychologically I'm much better. Not only do I have energy, but its creative, I have responses to problems for which I didn't have solutions before. My attitude is better, and I feel creative.
 "It is a turning point. The biggest change of my life in 25 years."
 Eight weeks-First Follow Up in person
 "I drove to Don's house and rang the doorbell. I couldn't believe my eyes, there he was greeting me at the door, and he was walking. I followed him down to his room in the basement and conducted the interview."
 What's been happening?
 "I'm tackling my files. Organizing stuff from years ago, getting rid of a lot. This is good; usually I shy away from paper work. When I do tackle it I get swamped very easily, but less now."
 What did you notice after taking the remedy?
 "The remedy helped my deeper thought processes which others had made worse. Two noticeable things happened -
 1. I had an increase of energy almost immediately. I was restless with an unfocused urge to be active in some way both physically and mentally. That lasted for quite awhile approximately a couple of weeks.
 2. On October 28th I had this really profound irritability, which lasted 2 days, that's when I called you.
 "The rest is more subtle, mostly psychological, and physical. I am more able to see patterns of thought or behaviour and can recognize them as something that I have already done or gone through. I don't have to bother with them any more. Like something that upsets me and would normally trigger an argument with that person. I'll catch myself and say I've been through this before; this is a waste of time. I can identify those patterns earlier on before I'm in them. I avoid the negative stuff that flows from that. I don't get sucked in. This is generally the worst time of the year for me, and to be that clear now is very different.
 "The physical side to it is that I don't get stressed out so much. My energy level is very good. Sleep habits are getting better. I have woken up 5-6 x each night for nine years, but since the remedy I only wake once or twice. I fall asleep more easily, and I feel more rested. I also got out of the basement, this was very beneficial. I started on mega vitamin therapy. My wounds are healing."
 Can you recall any dreams?
 "They are people oriented, relational dreams, working out relational issues about people from the past from way back to grade school. They are the same in that they are relational, but my role is more of a happy one, I am more my true self. Whereas previously they would be more confrontational, escapist, running away, being chased, falling from a height. It feels good to have a dream where you don't wake up in fear, shaking.
 "I am more relaxed about myself, my memory is getting better. I've been struggling to reconstruct my childhood. I associate these memories being the closer to the real me."
 How's your walking?
 "I walked with a walker initially, and then I began going a little faster, and then finally didn't need the walker. I'm walking slowly. I have to make deliberate efforts to keep my balance. Every few days it gets a little better."
 How are your relationships?
 "Greater openness or trust that I can communicate my needs, perceptions. A lot to do with less fear, insecurity about judgment by others. I am more tolerant of people being around me. I'm not so easily distracted by sounds, people talking. It used to irritate me. It's not nearly as distracting. I used to close the door, but now it's not the case.
 "I still see my girlfriend once a week. It's going good. I've known her since the summer of 1993. The relation-ship, sexual, intimate, started since 1994. We have explored what interests we have in common; it is now at its most clear stage. We have worked out what time we spend together, what we do and don't do.
 "My perspective is to develop an entire worldview based on creativity. How would it be if everyone were creative as opposed to have to work for a living? In this civilization it is difficult, impossible, but it doesn't absolve one of the responsibility of trying. She was anchoring in me and not acknowledging the creative world. Her whole life is centered on the issue of control.
 "The word relationship means an exploratory stance; I would ask what is it about this relationship I want to continue. I am always drawing the other person into answering this question. So far it's in the positive. I'm exploring the issue. Routine is like a living hell that's like business as opposed to the creative element."
 Food cravings
 "Almost all my cravings are gone. Used to have cravings for french fries, potato chips. They have all gone."
 Thirst
 "No changes.
 I tolerate foods better.
 If I'm really relaxed, everything is better, fluid balance-if I drank fluid, juice, because I had a craving to drink, I'd get hot flushes. Almost a confused state. I wouldn't be clear in my thinking, couldn't add two or three numbers together without putting in a lot of effort. My thinking would become waterlogged, fuzzy.
 I can eat soup now. I had always avoided it for the above reason."
 [I noticed that the patient was more willing to make eye contact with me.]
 "Most of the issues have gone or there has been a noticeable improvement. I still have a way to go with my walking.
 "My use of language is somehow in conflict my perception of others. I tend to have to look away to collect my thoughts with what to say. It has to do with framing my thoughts. When I look at somebody it reminds me that I have a body, because generally I am escaping from my body. When I look at you I am reminded that I have a body, which is vulnerable. I have less fear. If I disagree then I am more inclined to say so. I now have a reason to live. In the hospital they squished every bit of will to live, even though they were keeping me alive."
 Assessment
 I have noticed a great improvement at many levels for this patient. He is walking; he makes eye contact during the interview. He has more confidence in himself, he has more energy, he has more physical strength, he is more organized, motivated to conduct his affairs. My initial feeling when I met this patient was that he was dying. My feeling now is that he is more vital, there is spark within him, and he's alive again. He's out of the basement. His sores are healing. His dreams have improved. Food cravings have changed. His relationship with his family has improved. It's obvious from the interview that there has been a dramatic change in this patient within a very short space of time.
 Plan: Wait
 22 months
 Up until this point I had not heard directly from the patient. I had heard from his sister that he had been doing well. I felt that eventually he would need a repeat of the remedy, and I was surprised that he hadn't called me for so long. At the end of July I got a call from Don who said that he needed to come and see me.
 "From second grade on I played the role of a prisoner. The experience, the shock, like a bomb being dropped. It destroyed any connection with anyone around me, any sense of relationship or trust. The devastating aspect was that it was complete. It was a total sense of isolation.
 "My great grandmother did the household chores and took care of me. I had the full run of the house, and the yard. There was rich environment to explore, 3 floors, a yard, niches here and there. I never needed any prompting to discover things. It was part of my nature to push the limits of my knowledge. See connections. It was quite obvious to people as well, there was no fear, I was fearless. Great grandmother gave me a nickname "he finds everything", "ehr fins alles". I took it very seriously, as my mission in life, that no one would restrict me in my search for everything. Contrast that with my first day at school, how could any one ever put me in a place like that. Despite that shock, I was getting close to explore that situation, climbing over the school fence. At home my great grandmother never restricted me, but I was yanked into an artificial environment. Had I been able to explore the school on my own, the situation might have been very different.
 "Home was not a fixed spot for me, it was gradually developing, I was exploring. For me school was compartmentalizing, but it completely fragmented my whole life. There were no fixed boundaries, so my psychology was preserved. It was whole. The shock of it was that it was disrupting my life to the core. I was not me. I was the walking wounded from that point on. That's when the fear started, how long can I last here, if they can do this what else can they do.
 "I suffered this, this hurt me. The students are powerless, no voice in anything. We moved to the suburbs away from Great grandmother and her absence affected me. My parents put me in a school. They thought it was the best for me. After the shock I survived. I saw what happened to other children who tried to rebel, that's when the hiding started. It worked until second grade."
 What do you mean by hiding?
 "Hiding means I could pick up from teachers what they expected, behave, do what you were told, fitting in the patterns dictated. They liked kids that could anticipate the rules. I became the most docile and compliant student, well behaved, never spoke out. The hiding was from the outside a behavioral ploy, you give the enemy what they want, you wait until you have the higher ground. Don't display your tactics until you have the upper hand. It's like a battle plan. The damaging part was the internalization part. I was fighting this battle on my own. This is what separated me from anyone I wanted to meet, a friend. If I am waiting I am paralyzed, not growing. I had no idea whom I was waiting for. I was a kid. The only person was my great grandmother, who they removed. I wanted to be blasted out of that school context, dynamited out. I myself couldn't get out, the best I could do was hide and play the game."
 What happened after you took the remedy?
 "Most pronounced behaviour change, I confronted my sister and mother about space in the house. I relived the oppression of being a prisoner, so I felt trapped in my room at the house. I wasn't there by will, I was there by force. Instead of retreating, I asserted myself and made my presence known. I am going to come out of hiding. I demanded fair share of the territory. It was rage that came out, decades of tolerance of a kind of abusive manipulation and scheming of others to keep me in my place. It was very obvious to others. I demanded my rights. It released that potential to reconnect and enable me to come out of hiding.
 "I caught myself seeing it from my sister's point of view, I saw that they didn't understand what I was doing. I had to rethink. At first the emotions were so intense. I was right, I have no other alternatives. But seeing how people interpreted this, I retreated, and from my perspective it didn't feel like a retreat. It wasn't so much physical space, it was reclaiming my presence.
 "I feel more present. I am still in the process of bringing myself out. There is a world between the world I was in and the world I am in now. Reclaiming my space in the home was a metaphor for something else, I asked questions as to who I was, is there anything in memory that I can use to help me know who I am and what I want to do."
 How are things going with your girlfriend?
 "My relationship has come to an end. I saw it as the lost relationship. We were both using each other as the escape from our respective prisons. I can't do it alone. The ending of the relationship has caused time-space distortion, pain as if my whole body was withdrawing. It was like withdrawing from an extreme drug addiction. Like coming back to what I was put into in grade 2. Like The knife being pulled out.
 "I told her I want some time to process this relationship. Both of us have our strategies, how much we share about what we are thinking is a reflection of control. How much are we prepared to risk.
 "Can I make it on my own, do I really want to cut it off. If I let loose and express who I am, how will she react. At home it became a confrontation of time and space and it was very explosive. I need time."
 Assessment 
 Don had been doing well in his life. But all of a sudden his girlfriend had taken another lover. This is what has precipitated his desire to resolve matters including his own situation-the desire to meet other people and form new relationships. He appeared to have a desperate need to get out of the old relationship. I understood that this was hurting him emotionally and invoked memories of his experience in grade two. I also felt it was a reaction to what his girlfriend was doing.
 Plan 
 I decided to repeat his remedy in higher potency.
 Hydrogen 200CH.
 Two full years after initial prescription:
 Don arrived with his girlfriend and asked if she could be present at the meeting.
 How are you doing?
 "Overall fairly good. The mood swings are not as severe and not cycling as often. In the beginning is was wild, from almost manic to suicidal despair."
 Where did it go from there?
 "It's still playing out, with Paula. We are experimenting with something that is familiar with people in different contexts, it's a parenting style, it's basically, it argues that a child should be responsible for initiating independence so that the role of parent is to be there for the child twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. At a certain point the child will start to explore beyond that, the child will initiate beyond that which the parent will provide. Paula and I are examining the limits for tolerance, we are playing out parent roles in a similar way, trying to be there for each other continually."
 What are the big issues for you now?
 "I'm pushing more and more of this non-verbal intuitive perception to be addressed. I want to explore it. I intend to present it as an issue to discuss. Non-verbal behaviour, spontaneous learning."
 What do you think the remedy has done for you?
 "It dissolved the sense of a separate me. I'm trusting more and more that it's the dialogue, the interaction, that creates life. That's quite a journey I've been on. The mood swings are not as intense, or as frequent."
 Assessment
 He responded well to the remedy. It seemed to give him a real boost. He is able to deal with his girlfriend much more effectively, it no longer poses a risk that he may lose her. He's just working with the new parameters.

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